Dilemna

Meet Amita.School Friend till Class IX.Married Mohit Malik at 23 and had Sarthak,a son at 27.By which time,both Amita nd Mohit were completely bored of each other.Both opted for divorce and settled it amicably.Sarthak is in Amita’s custody-now a 17 year old. She’s my age today-42.

She now works with AIR-Delhi as a Program Assistant and that’s where I ran into her and her curious problem today and want to share it to see what your opinion is, LC.

You see, she’s been dating men on and off for several years-but no one touched her heart.When Sarthak reached Class VIII,she created a profile in Shaadi.com to see wht responses she’d get. There were quite a few.Again,nothing serious.Till one day,she chanced on a profile.No pic-4 liner-“I’ve lost my wife in an accident and am looking for a like minded person.I have a daughter and want someone who can jell with her”…or words to that effect. He was in the Army-stationed in Delhi.She sent an interest. She got a  quick response and a message which gave his ph no. She responded back with hers.They started talking. His wife had passed away in an accident in  which his daughter and he were survivors.A week later,he abruptly told her,”I’m sorry-this is not going to work out.Best of Luck with your search.” And signed off.She casually shrugged it off thinking since there were so many she had rejected-one rejection will not impair her any.

She was wrong.After he stopped calling, she realized she missed him.Terribly. After waiting a few days,she called him.He did not pick the fone.She grew desperate.She tried.Again & again.In a last final try,she wrote him an email.She told him she’d fallen in love with him.His voice and the strength of character that shone through. She waited for a day and then called him back.He picked the call demanding how she could fall in love with him without knowing anything about him.Without meeting him! She said it felt crazy but she was sure. He signed off saying she was a crazy woman and to move on with life.

After this,however,he would pick the call whenever she called. 2-7 or 8  times a dayThey’d talk for hours. Lovey-dovey stuff. No physical-on-the-phone-stuff…but hours and hours…3 to 4 hrs sometimes( I cud not understand this bit and frankly gaped at her!).This went on for 2 years.He  never talked of meeting or wanting to see her.Never even asked for a pic.Only once he casually said,”Would you date me?” Confused,she said,”Date…?” and he changed the topic suddenly.

A few months later(2 yrs,3 to 4 months into this weird relationship)…she once called him from work. The phone rang. A woman picked the phone but there was static. She tried again.Again, a woman picked up and told her,”Major Saab has stepped out of the car to buy something.Please call back in 10 mins”.Curious,she asked her who she was.The age old reply,”Well, I’m his wife.”. Amita was so hurt,she fainted. A colleague who was passing by, lifted her up and took her to the sick room.Noticing the still-running cell-phone,he spoke into it. By which time,Major Saab had returned to the car and was saying “Hello!Hello…!…On being told that Amita had fainted,he requested the colleague to take good care of her. The same day,he tried calling several times,but she did not pick the call. Everything felt black.

He sent her an sms requesting her to pick the call. The next time his name flashed on the screen,she picked it up.His wife’s voice asked,”Excuse me…you’d called the other day.Who are you?” With great difficulty and shame,she replied that she was”just a friend”. His voice pitched in,”I’ve been trying to explain that to her,but she does not understand-please tell my wife if we have ever met?”.Nearly crumbling,she said,”No,we’ve never met. I just met him over the net and sometimes call him to find out how his daughter is.Thats it.”The wife appeared unsatisfied with the answer but eventually signed off.

The next two years went slowly by.Unhappy.Meeting several men but constantly comparing his sweet nothings,his voice…oh his damned voice.A man who she had never met could capture her senses so much! She questioned her sanity.Her family did the same. She tried dating but was a failure because her 100% was elsewhere.Last year, she got a call again.From him. After 2 years. She did not answer. After several days of constant ringing,she picked the phone call.The same voice.The same sinking feeling in the backbone(she says his voice “crawls” up her backbone and nothing else compares with the feeling)…she asked him why he’d called.”To Talk”, he said. And they did. 2 hrs on Day 1.

Does she remember what they spoke of? No. Just that there were “dancing bubbles sloshing gently inside her as they talked. Giddy with happiness in 5 minutes flat, she realized with complete certainty that no other mn would ever do for her. A week later they were swearing they were in love. This time, he was saying the same words over and over again. No, Not “I want to meet you”. Just “I love you”.  He gave a simple reason for coming back,” I met my second wife at the Vikaspuri Community Center poolside where I’d taken Chahat(his daughter) for swimming. My friend’s(brother officer in the army) wife used one day brought her daughter there for swimming too. I’d seen her after ages and asked about my friend. To my shock,I found he was killed at Kargill. We casually met a couple of times and then one day she called me at work and said she was in trouble.Her husband’s pension money had come and her brothers planned to take the money and push her out of the house.I reassured her but one day,she called me and was crying bitterly.She said that was exactly what her brothers had done and she had nowhere to go and was standing the Dhaula Kuan Junction with her daughter Prateeksha.I could not do anything.I had to go pick her up. I took her home but after a few days,my mom refused to keep both of them at home too.In this tense situation,she came up to me and said we should probably get married. I had no other choice and we ended up at the registrars. After my marriage,I found she had multiple problems.She is behavior and anger –challenged.Throws things around,bangs her head against walls  when angry and hates having me touch her.She was in love with someone else who refused to accept her daughter and hates having me around. She only has money on her mind and my major’s salary is never enough for her.I realized the worth of your sweet,unassuming,loving ways after I saw what a  harridan she is”.

So whats the big deal and where do we come in LC? Well this “return” was in August 2009.Till today,he still has never told her he wants to meet her or divorce his wife. Recently,she shed her shyness a little and said they ought to meet. He said he wants to meet as well but he respects her too much and as he is a married man,he’ll only do so when he is free.She pressurized him to talk about her to his parents and he said he did but they threatened him and have not spoken to him since then.He usually uses the words”soon”..”soonest” when confronted by when he’ll take any step to knit them into a family. Amita is apprehensive he is just stringing her along and  wants me to ask LC what they feel…

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